Don’t Get Close

i can see the triggers, the level of discomfort, the unusual anger and mood swings, reminders of abuse, frustration..

i allowed myself to be vulnerable with a person who doesn’t understand me and is unable to be open minded and patient

which they are at no fault

my apologies for the infections of my troubles

you should have never came close to me

only i, it’s my fault

this is my problem

please leave me alone with it

i feel exposed

facing triggers to be vulnerable and open

it’s all a waste of time

i knew I’d ruin this like the others

hope, my biggest downfall

there’s no overcoming this, which is why i tried killing it off in the first place

a guilt of being broken

being ruined before i could ruin myself

who carries this anger?

it is something that i just have to accept and stop trying to be open and vulnerable for, just hoping for it to happen

its not happening. it never will

girls like me who have been through the things i’ve been through can’t have certain things

it will never be healthy

no longer an option

when the time runs out i look forward for freedom

i have no use for this raped body nor this cursed mind

what rule did my first breath of air break for me to deserve such a punishment

not well, but i can pretend to be

i can live and continue

just don’t get close to me

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