I have been through some things. Things that most women will never go through their entire life. Things a family of women will never collectively experience and I think to myself do I just give up? Do I lay down and just let whatever has happened this time destroy me? Is today the day I decide to kill myself again and this time be successful? I find myself upset and frustrated because some days I feel like the pain I have endured is a punishment for simply being alive. Why does it happen to me and not other people? As I continue to think this I find myself becoming even more upset. That is the exact moment I have to stop myself. I have to stop with the self-loathing and just say to myself, “You’ll get through it.” I’m not dead yet. This life is not over and therefore I will get through it. I will figure out a way to cope, seek help when needed, and overcome and survive no matter what it is.
I have the power to choose how I respond to my horrors, my sicknesses, my pain, my own destruction, failures, mistakes, etc. I have the power to choose the energy I possess while facing some of the most horrible chapters in my life. I have the power to choose to continue and roll with the punches or to just give up. I have made it pretty far for a person like me who has been through some pretty crazy things and I honestly believe I would be doing present and past me a disservice to just give up. I would be doing myself a disservice to think there is absolutely no solution or a way to get through, to cope, and survive.
You’ll get through it.
I think back on so many things I thought I would never get through, although they were horrible at the time, today they seem so little to me. I am stronger, wiser, confident, positive, and I am also a fighter. So I’ll get through it. Whatever it is. I could get cancer, AIDS, lose all of my legs, have a 20 year marriage fail, lose a child, lose a job, fail a class, lose $500,000 become homeless, go to prison, be raped, get shot, etc, whatever it is I will get through it. For a very long time I only ever thought that the solution to all of my problems was death, but I have seen joy bloom in the depths of hell and for that I believe that anything is possible. No matter what happens in this life I’ll get through it.
So on my worst days I tell myself, “You’ll get through it.” I get up, I go find something positive to do and then once I’ve calmed down I sit and figure out what my next move will be because this life is not over and I am going to milk it for what its worth. Bad things are always going to happen and guess what, “You’ll get through it.”