Moving on without closure

I think we’ve all been here before. The breakup, loss of love, the perfect relationship that you just don’t seem to understand why exactly it ended. Sometimes it is very clear and we just don’t want to believe the facts before us and other times that’s just not the case. The breakup could be so confusing and all you need to move on is just closure. Finding a bit of closure after a breakup will help you end things. A proper ending can give you a little boost of courage to move on with your life and grow to be okay with a chapter in your life ending.

So what do you do when you have no closure at all? Common sense says to move on. Life is extremely short. Your life could end tomorrow. Ending chapters is never easy, but you will always thank yourself for ending it in a healthy manner years from now. Years from now you might not even think about this chapter of your life you’re currently concerned about.

The other day I thought about a guy I once was crazy in love with because I was thinking back to a memory of a place/event I had been to and I couldn’t remember who I had gone with. I slowly began to remember his face and where we were, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember his name. It took me about a week to remember his name. I was shocked that I had completely forgotten about him. Years ago I knew his full government name and was so in love with him I would have thrown myself over a cliff. I’m glad I didn’t because he clearly wasn’t worth remembering 4 years later. I would have been dead at the bottom of a cliff over some random I wouldn’t have remembered years later. Sad and silly right?

So here you are. You’re heartbroken and sad. You’re tired of getting advice from your friends because you’re exhausted from always talking about your complicated love life with them. So you’re googling on your phone tips on how to move on, especially without closure. Here are a few things to think about.

Did you even ask for closure?

If you feel like you need closure to move on don’t be afraid to ask for it. There once was a time where you both loved and respected each other. It could be possible to still find a middle ground to talk to one another and find some sort of peace and closure. You have a right to end this chapter in your life with some sort of answers. If they refuse to speak to you and give you any type of closure then you need to breathe and move on the best way you know how.

Stop reaching out

You’ve tried talking to them and they have refused to speak to you. You need to accept the fact and reality that you may never speak to this person again. I understand that might be hard for you and it might seem like a nightmare because of how much you cared for this person, but the chapter where you both are together has ended. You need to love yourself and stop reaching out. You owe it to yourself to only place yourself in situations where there is communication and love coming from both parties. This person no longer wishes to communicate with you and you need to accept this.

Time works

I know you have heard this a million times, but time does work. I won’t say it heals all wounds because some wounds take a little bit more than time to heal, but time will lessen the pain you currently feel. Time sometimes will also give you the opportunity to show you the truth or bring you the answers you were looking for when you were searching for closure. Don’t wait on that to happen though. Allow time to do its job and you might end up 4 years later completely unable to remember this person’s name.

Hope is a dangerous thing

I know we are all hopeless romantics and we’re waiting for the one we think got away to realize their mistake and come rushing knocking on our doors with flowers to express their love for us and say how they made the biggest mistake in their life and they want to spend the rest of their life with us, but in reality that doesn’t happen much in the real world. Don’t let hope keep you from moving on, but most importantly don’t let hope keep you in the same place and stunt your growth. Some things happen in life that we should see as an opportunity to grow within ourselves. Don’t let hope keep you in the same place when you should be growing as a person and a lover.

Overthinking is a killer

You can run over everything in your head over and over again trying to understand and all you will end up with is a bunch of tears, a mixture of sadness and anger, and a big headache. Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. You did all you could possibly do. What happened, happened.  The closure and understanding you’ve been waiting for might never come. There is nothing else you can do. All you can do now is love and take care of yourself.

Create your own closure and let go

Wish that person the best and leave with only positive thoughts. Let them go. Understand that you deserve to be treated better. You deserve to be treated with more respect and love in this life and you should never settle for less than that. Understand that how this person treated you does not define who you are, but who they are as a person and that what they did to you has more to do with them and how they feel about themselves, than how they feel about you. Let them go with peace and love so you do not block any blessings you have coming your way. Forgive them for yourself and a peace of mind.

Break ups are hard and not receiving any type of closure to help with that break up is even harder. Give yourself time to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. If you feel as though you need some extra help please reach out to a family member, friend, or someone professional you can speak with. Please remember to always take care of yourself. In life some things can feel like the end of the world, but they aren’t the end of the world. Just the end of a chapter in your world. Your life will go on.

I’m sorry you got your heart broken and it has to hurt this way for a little while. Give yourself time.