Before I go.

You know those moments when you start thinking about whether you love a person or not? Like they could be doing something and you just look at them and think to yourself that there is a possibility that you could love them.

And I’m not talking about being in love, but just deeply caring for them kind of love. Like you’re still afraid of them hurting you, but you could risk it kind of trust/love. There’s a moment when you decide or realize that feeling exists.

You begin to notice the colors around them change. Everything looks so beautiful around them. You can’t keep your eyes off of them. There was once a point you could barely give them eye contact and now you can’t stop staring. You’re stuck gazing at them and you wonder how you went so long without really looking at them. 

There is a new curiosity and all you want to do is explore everything about them. You want to know what kind of jokes to tell to make them smile because when they smile their mouth does the thing, well the thing that gives you goosebumps. When they laugh out loud it’s like an echo of warmth and makes the room light up in a burnt orange like watching the sunset outside your window as it turns your living room into a painting. 

My moment was at sunset and I was reminded at sunrise. While you were sleeping, I thought to myself how much I didn’t want to leave your side. That if this was the last time, I was ever close to you then I’ll be still grateful. As you continued to sleep, I spoke love over you. I admired you as you got your rest and for a second, I thought to myself that I could love you.  

Acknowledging my fears, I turned away breaking my gaze. There was no point in entertaining an idea. 

At sunrise you grabbed my hand and asked me to look at you. I couldn’t deny it then. Completely and utterly afraid. The colors around you changed and for a second, I felt at peace.  

Unfortunately, we both know how this story ends. Sometimes we are only given moments, even only seconds. And for a second, I loved you. I found love in your smile, your fingertips rubbing the palm of my hands, your stare. Like music to my soul. 

Every song has an end and even sunsets lead to darkness. Before I go, I thought you should know. Now you know.